Friday night means our own miniature bar crawl spanning no more than a block and a half of a small town square. Nonetheless, Chad and I went to the first bar, Rocs where I asked for my usual Blue Moon and a side of orange juice and he asked what the draft special was, to which the very nice female bartender replied, "We don't have bar specials up here, sorry guys." I was sort of pissed really. I even told him before that I didn't think they had specials but he asked anyways and dragged me into his cohort, causing everyone around us, including the cute girls sitting to my left to, no doubt, see us as a few schoolboys who never had a drink in our lives.
I brushed it off though and we continued our oh-so-intellectual little conversation over J.D. Salinger and some theses we both had been working on, perhaps to compensate for the bar special comment. I took the seasonal Sam Adams next and Chad, a Blue Moon in which after receiving the bottle, the smaller than usual glass (which is actually typical at this bar anyways) and adorned with an orange slice, he complained of fearing he looked like a girl and openly contemplated just drinking from the bottle. After I reassured him he didn't look like a girl, he opted for the glass and the orange slice.
Somewhere during our conversation, one of those cute girls interrupted, damn near yelling I'm sure due to her being very sober, "Hey, he wants your hamburger, he's eyeing it!" Her other cute friend turned and jokingly remarked how she wasn't a good sharer to which we both sat there like six year olds with dunce caps on and mumbled like the typical comparison to cavemen.
After finishing our second round and establishing that the cute girls were probably finished flirting, if you could even call it that, we set out for the second and last half of our miniature bar crawl, The Towner. Now, there is sort of a hierarchy involved between the bars on the square. Rocs is the classiest bar without compromising its welcomeness to college students and intellectuals. Almost like a dark, film-noir style Cheers and with a more dynamic assortment of patrons. The Towner equals hipster and, well, towny and if there was ever a night that was any more evident it was this night.
Turk, a very large, very pleasant Turkish man who is the staple bouncer greeted me and then asked for Chad's ID. We walked in and I ordered a Bud Light bottle since here there were specials, $2 domestic bottles. Chad stepped up next. The bartender asked what he wanted, Chad hesitated, mumbled something, causing confusion both in him and the bartender and finally settled on PBR. The bartender walked away smirking and looking at me.
We walked around to a pool table we had played at the Friday night before, somewhat off and secluded from the other two. Four games, three me and one Chad (in which one was by default due to his knocking in the 8 prematurely) and we walked back up to the front to sit and finish our beers, perhaps the greatest move of the night.
Sitting not for even five minutes, a large black woman, whom we had heard throughout the night had been celebrating her birthday, plopped herself next to Chad, damn near shoving him into the wall. I think we were both stupefied but rolled with it. Thankfully she wasn't interested in me but in Chad. I really didn't hear much but it didn't really matter, you could tell she was flirting with him, all 200 + pounds, three missing teeth and loud laugh, inching closer and closer to Chad. Before erupting in my own loud laughter I jumped up and ran off to the bathroom, cackling all the way.
I came back somewhat to my relief to see the woman was no longer sitting at the table. Rejoining Chad, I asked him what had happened. He told me it was her birthday and how she turned 57. Then, out of nowhere (somehow), she reappeared, laughing and roaring about. We stood up at this point along with the lights being turned on, signaling the bar was soon to close.
"You're absolutely delectable!" she said to Chad, clinging onto him. "Give me a hug." As the two embraced like what should have been an awkward mother and son but was something I can't quite express, she kissed him on the neck. I lost it, turned around and started for the door, hearing behind me the woman tell Chad to be careful.
As Chad began to follow, so did the woman. Before walking out of the Towner, she asked him for some money. He hesitated to answer but she burst out in what was perhaps the biggest laugh of the night, and approached me, "He's so naive! He's SO NAIVE! How come he's so naive? Are you his brother? How come he's so naive?" I told her no, we weren't brothers, that I had known him for a long time and that I didn't know. We both laughed and pointed at Chad and then Chad and I made for the door. She deciding that her attachment to the remainder of her drink was more important than her recent infatuation with Chad stayed behind to both our relief.
We walked back to our cars, laughing and talking briefly about a cute redhead we had seen. We bid each other a goodnight and left the square.
This morning Chad texted me, telling me the birthday woman had also told him within five minutes of meeting him that he had reminded her of her son. I am just realizing the multiple problems with this: 1) Chad is very white and she is very black 2) If he reminded her of her son, and she later kissed his neck and called him delectable...yeah.